I’m gonna screw up my day and make an arse of myself, says nobody

Nobody wakes up and plans to repeat all the same mistakes as yesterday. However, this is exactly what many of us do. Why? Because the patterns of behaviour and core ideas about ourselves have become so deeply embedded, and with repetition, we then excel at them and become experts at reinforcing our misery.

By consciously examining our choices, rules and beliefs, we can engage in a conscious assessment concerning what rules and beliefs serve us, and which do not.  Prepare yourself to dig deep as this isn’t a ten-minute, tick a box process; it’s a shrewd lifelong process.

Make this a habit as it’s a wonderful way to remain consciously present in life. This process can be delicate if our energy is low, or if we just don’t care about ourselves enough to self-examine, and this is where understanding the concept of “soul loss” offers hope.

Soul loss

Let’s assume we enter the world with our soul intact. I believe when our soul is complete, innate self-trust and the freedom to be who we truly are become absolutes. We are not afraid to express ourselves and ensure our needs are met in these early years. As life unfolds we are presented with many challenges, some wonderful and engaging, other experiences are damn painful and soul destroying.  We can’t avoid pain and struggle and it’s here where we meet suffering and alienation to walk alongside us.

These painful experiences can be so raw, we literally lose ourselves. Shamanically speaking this is referred to as a soul loss. A soul loss is where a part of us leaves and splits off, this fragmentation, I suspect, is a wise safety mechanism within our psyche to protect us.

The hurt imposed by others is a major source of soul loss, as is a serious illness or a life-threatening accident.  We can force our soul to leave us as a result of self-hatred. Self-hatred can be formidably sufficient in banishing parts of ourselves to the swamplands of the soul, leaving us feeling disconnected, and like something is missing but clueless to what has gone.

I sent the 15yr old me to the swamplands of the soul and left her there for over 20years.  I was angry with her for leaving home and upsetting her parents to live with a violent criminal. It took me 20 years to realise something was wrong with me. An in-depth inner journey provided the valuable insight required, to rescue this young soul part, while rescuing this part I acknowledged for the first time, it wasn’t her fault, she (I) was a messed-up confused kid with excruciatingly low self-esteem. Perspective offered a wider lens to see the many variables that led to that young me walking out of the family home to a life of hell.

Many years ago, a lady came to see me for therapy. Ber life from the outside appeared well adjusted, she had a great career, beautiful home and loving partner, but had no desire to connect physically with her partner. It didn’t take long for us to establish the roots of the disassociated state. She grew up in a children’s home, the Nuns who she depended on to care for her, regularly sexually abused her.

In order to survive this vile invasion, her soul left her body as a form of self-protection, what else could she do as a child?

As a teenager, she developed a drug addiction and prostituted herself to feed her addiction which her disassociated state facilitated. During therapy, we unearthed and integrated the missing soul part, a frightened little girl, who was happy to return to be with the older wiser version and experience a sacred loving reconnection of her soul. Life changed significantly for this lady, she gradually learnt to feel and connect with her partner which, consequently, led to her stopping binge eating and drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.

Bullying, neglect and loss, are other causes as to why our soul departs us. Sadly, we are oblivious to this amputation of the psyche.

We approach adulthood with a strong need to create security, find occupation, make money, and learn the values and rules of life, with the aim to prove we are successful to the outside world and at some point, we fall.

The fall can be a

  • Relationship breakdown
  • Loss of some type, a loved one, a job, or something that appears to hold us together
  • Crippling anxiety
  • Suffocating depression
  • Addiction

The symptoms are pathologized and treated as sickness.

  •   Imagine if we saw these symptoms as a call to change, a re-evaluation, a prompt to re-examine our truths and their relevance to our life now.
  •   Imagine embracing the future with a self-trust, to allow our lives to unfold, manifest and blossom into who we truly are.
  •  Imagine letting go and not caring about the opinions of others, let yourself go feral with your emotions, to dance, sing and paint your way thru life by embracing the darker times with a bold courage to see with wide eyes at the wonderment and beauty beyond the rules and rational world.

if you read this and enjoy it, drop me a line or give me a like, its nourishing encouragement to continue sharing my thoughts. 

With big love 

Alexia x

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