Many moons ago I was teaching a Hypnosis course. A student on the course was genuinely surprised when I said, I was recovering from a cold.
“I wouldn’t expect you to get a cold Alexia.”
I found the students assumption interesting that being a Hypnotherapist somehow made me immune to getting a common cold.
Over the years I’ve heard variations of this myth, with clients being surprised when I admit to having human feelings such as frustration, anger or sadness.
There’s an assumption that we (Therapists) have worked it all out and our lives are uncomplicated and blissful. So to admit, that I experience inner conflict may seem incongruous to my profession.
Well, I do, It isn’t a problem. It’s-actually an asset personally and highly valuable regarding my work.
Allow me to explain why
The conflict intimately connects me to my purpose and passion and that is, trying to make sense of how do we make the most of lives. It’s curiosity you see, life fascinates me.
My inner debates are in constant motion and evolving, and I continue to learn and grow as a result.
Nothing is static, our thoughts and feelings are always in flow.
If we step back and observe rather than resist and fight ourselves, life inside our head is more peaceful and our relationship with life follows the same frequency.
Some days I muse and curse internally for hours over a subject in search for spiritual clarity. The next day, I feel different, because I’m in flow and I feel joy with the insanities and nonsensical beauty of life. YAY.
You may think, surely Alexia you want to bask in joy, every day? Yeah, I do, but I have an obsessive nature and intrigue, has taught me to understand these desires.
My natural curiosity for learning and wisdom propels me into a state of mindfulness regarding the transitory joyful feelings.
I truly believe by bravely stepping into the richer darker soils of consciousness, helps us understand, ourselves.
As a Therapist, it’s essential to keep a close eye on what goes on behind the scenes of my consciousness. I may unconsciously contaminate the sacred space between myself and the person I’m working with if my own energy, is not in order.
By keeping in good relations with my consciousness, I feel more in tune with life and the feelings people share with me.
Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. Goethe
Can we know and understand ourselves without venturing into our darker side?
Wisdom has taught me that my darker side is a protective friend who if treated with respect, is a fruitful teacher. When my darker side is ignored, she causes F**king chaos, I’m writing a book about this. Date to complete? Err, give me another year, I may say that next year. I’m in no rush, it’s joyful, at times said through gritted teeth. Anyway, let’s not go off topic.
I’ve grumbled and groaned to myself over the years regarding the term darker side; I’m not entirely in tune with the name “darker side”, I continue to use it, for simplicity.
Navigating our darker side can be painful. However, those painful moments offer insight and clarity and that’s where our powerful understandings emerge.
Goethe the Philosopher called these moments “pregnant points” Pregnant points are moments when something just makes sense. You know when you really feel something you knew in your head and suddenly you feel it in your heart.
These small moments are golden and when recognised and valued, they come more frequently. (Key point, look out for them)
We have to remind ourselves that pain does pass. I know its difficult to see this in the midst of heartbreak. Disasters happen and our lives change profoundly. The outcome of the disaster is unknown, but our pathways have many twists and turns.
For example, a relationship breakdown can devastate us but with time, we may see this as a blessing and find ourselves doing something that really resonates as a consequence.
My favourite quote is
“Continually trying to look on the bright side interferes with our finding the wisdom that lies in the fruitful darkness. Continually striving upward toward the light means we never grow downward into our own feet, never become firmly rooted on the earth, never explore the darkness within and around us, darkness without whose existence the light would have no meaning.”
Stephen Harrod Buhner
What is my advice for embracing inner conflict?
- It will pass and although it might feel distressing remain mindful that clarity and resolution follow.
- Write down the arguments and consider what is the positive purpose of the conflict?
- You can just say, f*ck it and let it go.
- Be the observer of the thoughts, arguments and feelings.
- You are not your thoughts.
- They are just thoughts and feelings that eventually pass.
- Focus on the solution, this a useful way to direct the inner debates towards inner unity
- Keep asking what do I want? How can I resolve this?
- I feel it is important to challenge my beliefs, thoughts and assumptions about myself and the outside world.
A few years ago I climbed Kilimanjaro, I was led by a man who had walked every path of the mountain many many times. It was prudent of me to recruit a wise man to walk alongside me as I’m not an experienced mountaineer. I developed AMS (acute mountain sickness) and was taken care of by people who knew what to do. How different my experience may have been, without walking the path with an experienced and wise soul?
With that, I would like to express my sincere gratitude, to all those who have shared with me over the years. I feel truly honoured.
I’m available on Skype, or come and see me in my office in Leicester.
Free consultations available to all new clients.
I am a hypnotising, Hypnotist, using Hypnosis. 🙂